The Sign Says Stop

The handlebars on my cheap Target bike are sideways after a nasty wipeout I had while on a leisurely ride last Sunday. I was on my way home pondering which shot of my AM short film to work on when a dog suddenly jumped out under my wheel right as I was passing a parked car. With no chance to react I flew over the handlebars and landed in a bad way. I severely sprained both hands, scraped my palms, knuckles, right arm, right shoulder, and banged my head. Luckily my head was the last thing to hit the ground so it was just a light bump. I don't wear a helmet when I'm riding so slow on flat residential streets. Now that I know this can happen, I will. Less luckily, I somehow cracked a rib. Sitting upright with one leg stretched out and the other tucked, I collected my thoughts. After a few minutes I decided I was okay to walk my home. Later, a friend drove me to ER.

Typing hurts, but it's tolerable depending on the keys. My hand, though, is gonna be "unmouseable" for a while. I can do a few clicks at a time but anything more ain't happenin'. My right hand is the worst, but both hands are screwy; I am having a hard time doing simple things like opening doors, windows, and taking lids off meds!

So this pretty much is the final hit to my struggle to stay with the program at Animation Mentor. I'll be out of commish for at least a week, and there's no chance at this point. I've made arrangements with the school to take a leave of absence and return later, though I'm not sure when I can retake Class 6. Even when my injuries heal the other things that got me behind in the first place are not gonna be all tidily wrapped up within the next few weeks. You gotta wonder if this is one of those signs from the universe or Jesus or something, like I shouldn't be trying to start an animation career right now; I've already had to put it off for years, but maybe now's not good either. Who knows? If so, the message is clear: I want to go but the sign says stop. At least for the moment.

No Good Deed

Everyone hates taxes. But how much more suck would it be if you were taxed on double the wages you actually get paid?

That's exactly what my situation was for my 2005 taxes and this year will likely be the same unless I can find a way to do something about it! Tax experts I've talked to about it can't give me a solution (even one with 20 years of experience with the IRS!!). I'm sure other caregivers are in a similar predicament, as well. All because of a nasty little piece of crap called "share of cost". It's sort of like a deductible for Medi-Cal and other services elderly and disabled people (like my parents) qualify for. The job of taking care of a family member (or two in my case) is extremely difficult, even without a bunch of government bs. All I'm trying to do is make my parents' lives better, but I get hit will problems left and right thanks to bs like this.

The tax thing is just one of about a half-dozen headaches the government has stuck me with. To illustrate the lunacy of this situation I made up the following interview. While fictional, it's based on a true story...

Interviewer: So, you are a care provider through the IHSS program in Sacramento.
Provider: Yes, uhuh.
I: So IHSS pays you on behalf of the person you take care of because they otherwise wouldn't be able to afford the care they need, is that right?
P: Yes. IHSS refers to that person as the recipient.
I: If a recipient's income is even $1 over a certain amount, they immediately have a large "share of cost". This is the amount the State of California requires them to pay before the State covers any of the cost, correct?
P: yes.
I. Does your recipient have a share of cost (soc)?
P:Yes.
I: How much is the soc?
P: $749
I: Can the recipient afford to pay the soc?
P: no. It's equal to about 50% her social security. If she actually paid me she would not be left with enough to live off of.
I: So you're not getting all the pay that you've actually earned?
P: no.
I: Really? But you still take care of her anyway. Why would you do that?
P: The recipient is my mother. If I didn't do it, she'd be alone, and she's unable to properly care for her self.
I: So she can't live on her own?
P: No, not safely. She's disabled and with her age it's easy for her to forget her medicine. Or fall.
I: So you work the hours, and only get part of the wages you earn.
P: Yes.
I: Are taxes deducted from your check every month?
P: Yes. Federal and State, plus deductions for Medicare, disability insurance, health benefits and union dues.
I: And the deductions are based on your entire gross wages?
P: Yes.
I: including the $749 you don't actually receive?
P: Yes.
I: Wow. And what does IHSS say about that?
P: Nothing. They say they have to go by policy and government regulations.
I: Sure seems unfair to you.
P: yes it is.
I: you mentioned union dues. What is your union's reaction to this?
P: Well my union is United Healthcare Workers (UHW). They've never been any assistance to me at all with any problems I've had.
I: Really?
P: No. They always start going on and on about all the great things they have already done for me and other members, but when it comes to my individual issue, they're not interested.
I: Wow. How far have you pursued this?
P: Not far. I've already spent a lot of hours on the phone, on hold, getting the runaround with IHSS and the union. I'm a caregiver for my mom plus I have a part-time job to make up the $750 I don't get from IHSS. I don't have time or the energy to spend being sent in circles.
I: So what happens come tax time? What happens on your income tax retrun?
P: The $749 per month that I never see translates to $8,988 per year and is included in my gross wages listed on my W2. I have to claim that as income even though I don't get it.
I: And IHSS doesn't offer any help with that?
P: No. And they have a rule that if the recipient doesn't pay the share of cost they will be taken off IHSS altogether. Whether or not they can't afford to pay it is irrelevant to IHSS.
I: So, it's a program to help people who need care and can't afford to pay for it on their own, but if they can't afford to pay their soc they don't get any assistance at all?
P: No. None.
I: Freak! That's ridiculous. That's kinda like telling your 5 year old child you're going to take her to Disneyland, but she has to pay for half. What? nothing in the piggy bank? Well, she can't go at all then.
P: Yeah, I guess it is. It's exactly like that. And pretty much just as senseless and unfair.
I: So what do you do then?
P: What can I do? I just work hard, get only about half of what I earn, pay taxes on almost double what I'm actually paid, and try to help my mom have a safer, more comfortable life at home.
I: What would happen if you weren't able to take care of your mom?
P: Well, since my dad is no longer living, and my other relatives don't help out, I think my mom would have to live in a nursing home.
I: That would be expensive. Can she afford to do that?
P: Well, she is on Medi-Cal. She will still have a high share of cost but Medi-Cal would cover the difference.
I: Do you know how much that would be, total for her to live in a nursing home?
P: What I've learned is that the average cost for a disabled patient to stay in a nursing home is more than $60,000 a year.
I: That's a lot. And how much would the state be paying for you to take care of your mom in her own home, if they also paid the share of cost?
P: About $1600 a month, so $19,200.00. But since they require my mom to pay the first $749 every month, the State is only paying $10,212 per year.
I: So, IHSS is a program designed specifically to allow a person in your mother's condition to live more comfortably by being taken care of in her own home rather than in a nursing home, and by doing so you are also saving the State at least $50,000 a year?
P: Yes.
I: And yet they won't help you with the share of cost problem?
P: So far no.
I: And you've explained to them what it's costing you in taxes? You've explained the circumstances?
P: Yes. Actually, they say they can't help because of the way policies and laws are written.
I: You're saving the State more than $50,000 a year and they won't give you any relief from paying taxes on $8,988 of wages that you never actually get in the first place?
P: No.
I: That's really not reasonable or sensible at all.
P: No. It's not right. It's wrong any way you look at it.

You'd Think It Would Work Better

I ended up having to go to ER last week. Luckily nothing seems to be seriously wrong, but further testing and orders to watch for key symptoms means I'm not 100% in the clear yet. If I hadn't had that benefits termination fiasco of the past 3 months, I would have set up a regular appointment earlier in the week and it would have cost zero (no copay). My copay for ER was $100!! Someone at IHSS owes me a reimbursement. Okay, pissedness aside, there was some good news: Apparently, my benefits are either already reinstated or were never actually terminated to begin with. ER could have cost way more. I go back for some tests this week and hopefully a) I'm fine and b) benefits are still in effect then.

I've been way, way, WAY out of the right headspace to animate and it's been a real drag. Every key I've set has seemed like garbage and I've been downright unproductive any session I've tried to work. I've got far too much on my shoulders right now and it doesn't put me in the best mood nor motivate me to create. I'm not ready to be the head of the family beast, but I'm responsible for every last thing, and there's no comittee of two (or more), just me trying to choose smart. It's all making my head spin. But tonight I took out some time for my AM short film, even though there are other more urgent things I need to work on.

One thing that irks me is, since I know 3ds max, but not Maya very well (except animating) I have to build parts for the car in my film in max and go through an elaborate process to get it all into Maya. Over and over. Even though I figured out the one and only workable solution for my sitch (save out to .3ds, then import to Maya 6.5 using bonus tools), it's kind of a pain. The interior of the car model doesn't have key features that I need for my short and each time I add new parts I have to re-export/import the car to Maya. Things don't always go well. In this latest version the windshield wipers flipped the wrong way and somehow I attached them to part of the window, which is now floating a bit to the left. (I've been trying to fix the wipers since the first export). You'd think it would work better than this since Autodesk owns both programs now.

There are things I can't animate w/out putting these props in. Luckily some of the shots are very quick cuts where the props just get bumped with a hook. But all this exporting and importing business slows me down, and is delaying my actually animating even more. I'm already so far behind.

They told us at the start of AnimationMentor it was not necessary that we know Maya, and they did show us how to animate in Maya. But on a short film where you work solo, so many things come up and you really need to know the program inside and out. I haven't had any chance to go through tutorials other than the ones AM provided, so I am pretty much clueless about everything in Maya except animating! My advice to any Maya noobs considering AM is you'd better learn the program well by the time you get to Class 6. It is an extreme handicap not being proficient in all aspect of the software you're using. Unless you have a lot of friends who know those things and owe you favors (I don't), you're on your own. I'd love to start animating, but now I have to go work on my hearing.

I Just Don't Know

I've had to all but abandon anything to do with animation assignments nearly the entire past six weeks of class. I'm not even able to watch the lectures anymore. It's no longer just a time thing (maybe I said that already, can't keep track). It's become practically impossible for me to do anything with my animated short 'cause of all kinds of poo that's going on in other areas. For example:

• I am preparing for a hearing next week to ask that my dad's "share of cost", which turns up as a deduction that cuts my paycheck by half (and which I still get taxed on!) be eliminated or reduced.
• I only received 1/4 the wages I earned in July because of a government error. Still have not received a call-back about when I can expect a correction.
• I've been alerted to a problem at the nursing home my where my mom is staying. Trying to get it resolved. This by itself is pretty stressful.
• I have been planning to schedule a checkup with my doctor, and finally got the time to do so. But last week my health benefits were terminated because my dad's case worker at IHSS and Kaiser took too much time getting forms handled. This was after I spent numerous hours and miles of driving to do my part to meet a deadline. Looking into the issue, I have learned no one can be held accountable for causing me so much grief.
• I had to write a letter requesting a Board Appeal after I received an unfavorable decision ten days earlier in an appeal in which I was denied unemployment benefits because I take care of my dad 24/7.
• I did not receive any of my wages for April through June because of an oversight by my dad's IHSS caseworker. Still have not got a call-back regarding the snafu.

This is just a small sample. There is some good news at least. My dad's meds seem to be helping him. My mom had some visitors recently--besides me and my dad--which cheered her up at least at the time.