Gotta get away

We're almost through the first week of the class 2 at AM, "Body Mechanics". I was at least able to get a rough blocking done for my assignment, which is better than my last two weeks. Hopefully I can get it refined by Sunday's deadline.

My mom does not have Alzheimer's or dementia or anything the elderly get, but she's beginning to show symptoms of...something. Her doctors don't yet know what it is but she's scheduled for tests. She seems normal most of the time but gets upset easily and that often leads to some hyperactive, out-of-control behavior that is difficult to diagnose because it's unpredictable. It takes an enormous amount of time and energy to settle her down, and lately, efforts to calm her are futile.

I'm now faced with the difficult, emotional decision of placing my mom in custodial care. My mom realizes how hard it is for me to care for her, and hates herself for being a burden. She has asked repeatedly if she can go somewhere else to live and my older brother and I have tried to discourage her because we know that's a last resort. But her condition has worsened and when she stayed in the hospital a few weeks ago I was making arrangements along those lines. But when I told her what I was doing she became deeply saddened and wanted to come home instead. On the day she was discharged I had to call and notify her doctor and the discharge planner of our change of plans. By the next day my mom was crying to be placed somewhere again.

As you can imagine this is affecting my studies at AM. I've had to seriously consider dropping out, and that's still up in the air. I need to take a break from caregiving duties, but that just isn't possible. You would think, since most of our family lives in the area, someone could take over for a while. But they all have families of their own to attend to, my parents and I rarely see any of them. Besides, taking care of someone like my parents is not something anyone can just do. It might even be more difficult than babysitting a child because there are medicines that have to be given and older adults have needs that most people would never realize unless they have experience or special training.

The AM students from Northern California have a party planned at Brian Nicolucci's place tomorrow that shouldn't be missed. I have not been able to find someone to elder-sit and time is running out. It's a pretty long-day commitment for whoever stays with them because it takes so long just to get to and from the Bay Area from here. (When I went to the last AM meetup in SF my nephew Matt willingly stayed with my parents as long as he could but my mom freaked out before I got home.) My mom and dad could manage to get through the day on their own but there is a significant risk something could go wrong. It seems selfish and irresponsible for me to leave them without care, but at the same time I'm long overdue for a break. I'm still not sure if I should go, so I'm calling my status a "game time decision".

Attitude is everything, in life and in animation. So I'm just doing whatever I can to maintain a good attitude, reminding myself this is not a permanent thing. It's a challenge, and being enrolled at AM helps, knowing I'm proactively pursuing dreams and having the support of fellow mentee classmates who all have challenges of their own.